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go or not?

man, if i know 2012 will have floods of artist from korea, i should start saving from long time ago.
just last post i said that smtown ina will be my last concert for the moment. and bam! phantom is coming next month!
i love love this trio at the very first moment i heard burning. their debut album is awesome and all. even their intro is sickkk

lol my right arm is still hurt, the effect of watching smtown in full fangirling mode. i still cant straighten it. i wont be able to work properly for the next 2 weeks.
but... but.. this is phantom! i might be able to watch them up close just like those fancams on yt
arrrrghh should i go or not?

watch! because :
1. venue is very close to my house. really close! like 10 minutes drive, i dont have to rely on my bro this time, muhaha
2. smaller venue means closer to stage
3. not expensive. seriously, fest ticket is like half of what i paid for smtown ina
4. sanchez voice in real live <3

don't watch! because:
1. its a joint showcase. ;A; 4minute and 4 local act will also appear. blegh.
while im not a fan of screechy voice, i can take 4minute.
but that 2 of that 4 locale act,... i cant, for the love of god, watch those people on tv, let alone live
should i just leave after phantom perform? but what if they're the last performer? what if they only perform like 2-3 songs? i want full concert/showcase for phantom alooone T_T
2. smaller venue also means sardines experience again -_- inhumane stuff i dont want to experience ever egain
3. money! i'm saving for a trip to korea, i cannot waste another $ for mere 2-3 hours of happiness :D
4. alone! im having a hard time finding friends to go with at smtown concert, let alone phantom, a group who havent got their own tag at omona, lol
5. my arm

what should i doooooooo

random rant

as i'm too old for kpop fandom, i choose to be a casual music enthusiast.
but if there's a fandom i feel close to, its super junior and exo's.
thats why this ignorant facebook status of a certain someone really ticks me off.
i assume she was watching recorded version of last saturday's smtown at our local tv and starts rambling nonsense.
she said that if tvxq didnt disband, suju wouldnt stand a chance becoming as big as of today. while she does have a point, i'm angry because she accuse suju as an "illuminati group who cant sing live", as opposed to her charismatic perfect tvxq oppa.
this idiot.. at sm live i can guarantee that every fast song is lip synched. i dont think your precious oppa singing maximum 100% live last saturday. they also relied on backtracks.
tvxq, whose career i follow from the 2004 xmas debut is indeed popular in their heyday. but can you name one song of tvxq that is known widely throughout asia's general public? they're only popular in kpop fandom.
get off your high horse. lady!
and illuminati? please no more of that conspiracy theory garbage.
really, if she's not a frequent buyer at my shop, i wouldve link her to a lip-synched tvxq performance

smtown live

smtown concert! i finally can cross this from my top 10 must watch concert
this is my dream since practically 4 years ago. when dbsk is still 5, when shinee is still a newbie with bowl cut hair.
when i'm still in the mood for kpop. 4 years later i finally got the money and opportunity to watch smtown concert. but "its" just not there anymore. first, because i have no one to go with, and second, im only interested in super junior and exo's performance.
i arrived late to the venue because i dont want to waste my time in the scorching sun, burning skin with UV ray. i kind of regret my decision because obviously all the good spots were taken. my tickets were supposed to be very good, right in front of the centre stage. but i really really dont want to experience "human sardines" like super show. so i quietly choose the less crowded location.
its quiet good if the smtown-ers is running around. i can still them up close. kyu, key, and hae is a frequent here. and we got bonus of some exo members during hope. so all is good. but if they're performing in the centre/main stage, everyone is as small as tooth pick. we have to rely on the big screen. did i just wasted $140 to watch the big screen while i can do that for free, youtube-ing at home?
i'm choosing comfort over fangirling. this must be a sign of getting old. lol. maybe when i'm older, i will buy vip just to sit through the whole thing.
watching a big concert alone, in such a huge venue truly reduces the fun. even though i still sing my heart out, spazzing alone is kinda embarassing. let alone in this old age. i really feel old when i'm the only one in my section screaming "ahn chil hyun, ahn chil hyun' (or maybe among the whole audience) during kangta's stage. i guess kpop fans nowadays didnt know who the hot "ajusshi" was. a girl next to me is calling leeteuk ajusshi. wtf, then what makes kangta to her then? gramps?
when kangta appeared on stage, some of the audiences still cheer for him, but goes totally silent when he sang, lol. kangta's singing polaris, after 11 years, i can finally hear it, live! memory of younger years of fangirling to h.o.t just rushing back. maybe this is the effect of watching reply 1997, a popular drama which like totally describes my teen years. its just that im still a jrock fan at that moment, and only paying attention to h.o.t during i yah days.
so sad that my current obsession, exo, is still down with 2 songs setlist only. they got tid bid collabs with suju and tts, but not enough! especially when they're singing mama/history in the main stage. thats too damn far from where i stand. i feel like watching a youtube stream. this must be the effect of watching nearly every damn performance of mama. i'm so sick of that song already. we need new exo song+full album+comeback as soon as possible!
i'm amused that indonesian audiences likes to sing along. i'm not talking about fan chants. but really, singing along karaoke style, especially during high notes. changmin's d.o's, chen's, seohyun's, every damn high notes, lol. are you seriously competing who can screech louder you or changmin?
2 photography class during college means nothing because i'm still crappy at it. every pic i took with my cellphone camera turns out blurry and miss every perfect moment. i mean key is right in  front of my face and i failed to catch that on camera ;A;
some of the fans come bearing pro camera with super long tele. i'm amazed at this one girl who come wearing flowery mini dress but armed with sports photographer style camera. they run around trying to look for the best angle. would they even enjoy the concert then? i'm tempted to bring my dslr, but i'm afraid i'd break it or something. the dslr is a valuable property for my busines. besides i'm 95% there to enjoy the performance.
during hope, finally we get to see glimps of exo members. suho is really really, i mean really snow skin level of white. how i envy him! and xiumin is tiny in real life. confused looking kai is er... kai. then came along kris in pink tank tops! ...........bearing a towel in his right shoulder. shindong is free to run around showing his large tattoo, why cant you?
extra bonus that night is henry and zhoumi. well well i'd never thought id see them ever. even though i dont get why sjm have to sing taiwanmei in korean instead of mandarin, i'm still satisfied. henry's a sweetheart. he tries to shook hands with fans (who.. jump over the guard fence), even though this big security is shooing everyone away with his scary look. i was contemplating to jump over the fence like the other girls, -since i was already standing in top of it most of the times to get a better look at the stage,- but then decided not too. lol
smtown ended right after 3,5hours. not 4 like rumours. its longer than anaheim's, but shorter than taiwan or seoul's (off course). the sad thing is i dont have decent pictures taken with the stage or a ny smtown gate/ornament because i came there alone. and is too shy to ask help from strangers.
i dont know whats going on but i get bruises on my left arm hand. my right arm really hurt now, because the effect of holding myself while standing in top of the fence. i can barely do anything. i wont attend any concert for a while, except maybe exo related stuff, :D

my only clear picture of kyu, bowing during dancing out (if i remember correctly). lol, am i obsessed with bowing picture? last time i also put picture of teuk last bow during ss4
kyu IMG-20120922-00777

drama queen

reading juicy kpop gossips is a thing i do in my spare time. but really in real life i'm not a person interested in gossips and conflicts. especially regarding family member or friends. because 1. i just dont care, 2. i lack of empathy, 3. really, i dont care!
recently i learned that my mom is a real live drama queen. i love you mom, but you need to drop this vicious habit.

my mom hates my sister in law. that's a fact. mom hated her long before she got married into our family. the reason? so many things to list. but when you run it down, its basically just some petty stuff. but the big problem is that my mom think that sis in law is rude and disrespectful to her. and me, -in my mom's opinion-. mom feel that sis in law doesnt respect her because she's powerless. a.k.a moneyless. i feel thats just nonsense.
sometimes, yes, i agree that sis in law is lack of common sense and respect towards elder people. that's something i can relate too, because as an awkward turtle, i'm not that polite either, especially towards elderly (i blame our inability to sweet talks). but really, i think sis in law have no bad intention in her actions. its just that she's not the person to sweet talks all the time. sometimes she have foot in mouth disease too.
while on the other side, mom is an extra sensitive person. she takes everything at heart, and maybe more than what i think of. being constantly sick for many years may have changed mom into super sensitive person. everytime she feel that sis in law is being rude to her, mom kept it all inside but will remember it. until she explode today, lol.
i dont want to be the person taking sides in family affair, since both sides is dear to me. the last time i blindly take mom's sides broke my relationhip with one of my closest aunt. i only learned that mom's at fault after i "scold" my aunt via text messages. but the damage is done, aunt is really mad, she basically cut ties with me. i cant repair this even when i tried to ask for forgiveness. then i just lost the will to try. if she wont forgive me, fine. i just hope aunt will think of me when praying at sunday service, especially when chanting The Lord's Prayer  "and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us". and the most annoying thing is, mom and aunt's relationship is fine, while not as close as before. i became the scape goat who threw myself under bus.

anyway back to real live makjang running in my house. today mom finally said the hate word, and shout she want sis in law out. sis come out crying. bro is furious at mom. dad and i were clueless (and doesnt care). i dont want to take sides. but after learning the real story, i find mom is at fault here (again), she's really childish.
mom, do you really want to cut ties with your son? dont you ever want to held your grand daughter? get off your high horse, someday you'll be sorry for your decision.


finally i get to watch introduction to architecture, aka, architecture 101.
now i understand why this movie was a major hit in Korea. this is a reflection of our bittersweet first love, regardless age, country or race.
so sad that the two main characters didnt get together in the end, and how their first love end just because a boy couldnt muster up his courage and speak. arrgh. but a passive person like me can totally relate to it.
i wonder if my life will change a lot if i have the courage to speak to my first love. i never met him since junior high, i heard he's married early, with 3 kids now. several years ago i have the chance to met him, but i just brushed that idea. 50% of me is curious to see his adult form :D and the other half, i wouldnt want to ruin my first love memory.

anyway in think the main song (etude of memories by exhibition) play a big role in building the mood. kim dong ryul's deep sad voice is just.... <3
i've known this song for the longest time, but only recently love it again, last year, thanks to kyuhun's cover on kbs immortal songs 2. kyu's rendition of this song is probably his best performance ever. he still perform that song in several stops of SS4 tour.
i'm glad that this song is becoming more popular with younger generation.

courtesy of kbs

a big plus is the house itself, damn its gorgeous, not too fancy but detailed, and looks very comfy. i love the mini rooftop garden the most. will steal that idea someday.


anti climax

The Equator Man have finally reach its end at episode 20 this week. And i hate it -_-

The last two episode of my current favourite drama is actually shitty. I feel like i'm watching some sort C-grade drama with it's cliche predictable plot. At some point i even zoned out and start fast forwarding several unimportant scene. Namely flashback and jiwon scene. I can feel they're acting, and that means bad.
I'm dissapointed at the writer. for full 18 episodes they have been writing superb characterization and building expectation on its intense revenge plot. Ep 19-20 turn into some sort of anti-climax with its cheesy finale.
I'm just going to pretend these 2 ep never happened.


down T_T

i hate letting people down. and especially hate friction over small things.
i may act big and tough on the outside, but i'm a softie at heart.
your words affects me more than what you think
dont be mean to me


the river have been crossed, can i return?

i'm doomed!
i certainly do not have the time to do this. but yet i'm so invested by it, i'm starting to question my whole life purpose, lol
this is supposed to be a casual thing. a one time fling. juuuust one tiny click, to fill my curiousity, and that' it.
but no, i got sucked deeper and deeper......
into exo fandom :D

i dont even want to start at how young they are because that makes me want to erase birth year on my ID card :D
damn you younger fans who can call them oppa and spazzes without guilty
since exo's debut, my sleeping time have becoming less and less .. and less.
this fandom is so QUICK, DEDICATED, and GENEROUS.
super quick translation, fan-account, fancams. i basically starts to monitor their life. while my own non-existant social life have fallen into a blackhole. i don't even have time for mall and movies.
what is life? if i have one extra hour, i want to spend it watching exo fancams. lurking at exo comm, cackling by myself until sunrise T_T
Precious exo babies
many exo fancams @disneyland give me mixed feelings. while i feel sorry for exo getting surrounded at their private time. i still want to know what's going on, what are they doing, member's interraction and such.
thus i feel grateful for this army of fans/reporter :D and i assume american exo fans were still polite. they're still giving space to exo by not jumping on them, lol.

there's something about exo that is so.. interesting. maybe the part that they're still new and awkward that's endearing. or maybe its just me eating up the whole illuminati bait, lmao jk
the fact that the 12 member were so handsome is a big plus. really, besides supernova, exo might be the only group whose member i find were all good looking ... just my opinion.
i have yet to find a fave, or "bias", thats a newer internet slang, lol. but from my userpic, its clear i have a tiiiiny special spot for aegyo king, tao.

i remember when watching exo-m's performance irl for the 1st time. they're so on point and energetic compared to super junior. i understand that showing your capability in just 2 songs while lyp-synching (?), is easier than have to perform a whole concert. but i still give them full mark. :D

what have exo done to me :D i have never watch any fancam (annoying fans shrieking) or reading fan-account before this.
can i ever return to the fandom river i have crossed?

its 3.30 am, must.go.to.sleep NOW
So what we get drunk? So what we smoke weed?
We’re just having fun. We don’t care who sees
So what we go out? That’s how it's supposed to be
Living young and wild and free

No, i don't get drunk and don't particularly smoke weed, lol
but the young wild and free a.k.a weed and party song lyrics somehow spoke to me, that my life choices have always been flat boring.
as a passive person, i enjoy my own kpop fetish behind the computer screen. alone. and now i decided to change. that is to attend SS4.

super show have always been in my top 10 -must watch concert before i die- list. besides mayday, l'arc, mr.children, tvxq. now that they're in town, i can't miss this opportunity.
why now? because leeteuk and yesung might must enter military this year, there will be no next time (although teukie promised to return during SS5). now sj is down with 9 active member, excluding kangin. i feel the chirpy happy teukie carry a big role in their overall performance, and sj's super show is not super without their leader.

i might have underestimate the power of sj in general. i certainly don't know that there will be massive fan at that concert. especially since i bought the ticket for finale, last day.
my last concert was at craig david's, almost a decade ago. young adult crowd have kind of laid back attitude, and at that time, the venue is not packed. it was rather 'easy' and enjoyable. thinking it will be the same as that, i just casually place my order. and Dear God this is by far, the longest day of my life.

it starts really early in the morning. i have to get up and queue for tickets. luckily my friend came earlier and we got 1st place (in queuing). we have to wait several hours for the ticket. which dissapointly didnt appear as mosh pits ticket i have been hoping for. its in the right wing, not centre T_T. then we have to queue again to enter the stadium. it takes several hours AGAIN. By the beach sands, no rooftop, under the sun and light rain. thankfully it's not that hot. but still, what an experience.

i have learn that kpop fandom is serious business. there's several people handing out their home made banner and giving it for free. i feel like attending a general election here. "believe in kim kibum", "our beloved fish oppa", "catch min if kyu can", is several of what i have seen today. home made printed banner must have cost a lot. it takes a lot of dedication to do this "favorite member" campaign. and i admire that.

anyway, we finally enter the stadium. again, sadly we didnt get the 1st row, but 2nd row is better than nothing. after 2 hours of more waiting, superman theme starts the show,. its indeed diffferent, seeing them real live and watching on tv is whole different experience. but what brought me to reality is these damn young fans keep pushing and pushing. yes we all want to take a closer look. but there's no need to turn other person into sardines. there's just no ethics here, they're all screaming like lunatic, pushing like a buffalo. i get if you're screaming at member's interaction or, member hitting high notes. but where's the need to scream at some damn filler vcr. and oh boy, these fans' delusional level is interesting. like 'omg he (insert a member name) is totally winking at me', or 'omg, my hubby is throwing kiss at me'. lol i doubt they can see our faces, honey.
lee teuk&apos;s fnal bow
teuk's final deep bow. this scene capture my heart the most. he's bowing repeatedly to all direction. and he seems very sincere.
too bad his was taken with my crappy cell camera

excluding the sardines experience, i really enjoy watching SS4. now i get why SJ is so loved. they're all round experienced entertainer. even the member i like the least is so fun to watch. a cool bonus of that day is.... exo-m's performance. i'm old enough to be their aunt, but i cant help attracted to their awkward self. M's dance was very synchronized and energetic, just like their MV. i look forward to attend their concert someday, lol. maybe in japan, they have the most discplined well behave crowd.

seven months, and now what?

five months have passed since my last entry. that also means our online shop have reach its seven months in the run. business have been very stable since the last entry. we have many shopaholic regular, and they're very nice.
i believe we have reach bep in the 3rd month, does that mean we're rich now?
not really. actually we still have a lot of miss with our style of choice. old stock of clothes piling near our dining table. thankfully we got a lot of help from auntie, who's willing to sell our leftover stocks.
even after seven months, i find income from this business is still not that much compared to my last pay. because i have to split profit with my partner. -even though i think i have been doing all the work here by myself-. from photograph-ing, photoshop-ing, uploading and even selling it.
although i admit i can't do this all by myself. during new arrival day i need as much help as i can get.
15 july or two days from now will be the first new arrival week without my partner.

my best friend once asked me. what will you do after this?
mu current slate is fine, but not that good. just enough for me to buy my own stuff without smooching from my parents wallet. but at my age, i must prepare to become the backbone of my family. she know its impossible for me to do with this business.
where i live, online shop is a job for college kid, or part time job between office works.

so my main goal is
1. having my own shop, very risky at this current economy,
2. releasing our own clothing line, very impossible to do, but i still dream it anyway

i'm hoping my online shopping mall will become as big as those in korea or taiwan